Leaders' Playground
What if work could feel like play? Join Irene Salter PhD for stories, science and strategies that help leaders thrive, not just survive.
Leaders' Playground
17: How storytelling can help identify your authentic leadership style
There’s dozens of leadership styles to try on, but choosing one off-the-rack can feel inauthentic, like putting on armor or wearing someone else’s clothes. How can you create a leadership identity that’s completely authentic? The answer lies in the one-of-a-kind design of your brain at its very best
You're going to need a partner for this podcast episode (ideally) because we're going to use the power of storytelling to craft a leadership style that is uniquely yours. Personal narratives not only define but also strengthen authentic leadership.
You'll walk away feeling seen, heard, and valued. You'll be more confident and ready for whatever challenge comes next because you can stand tall in your authentic leadership
Resources:
Learn more about the Heroine’s Journey Women’s Leadership Retreat: https://www.irenesalter.com/leadership-retreat
Bill George’s book, Authentic Leadership: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/255199.Authentic_Leadership
The Brene Brown quote came from Dare to Lead: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40109367-dare-to-lead
A lovely, very accessible article about how to be more authentic at work: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_be_more_authentic_at_work
A great review article on post traumatic growth: http://bit.ly/3ZQRIjN
Identifying your core values lies at the heart of authenticity. Go to the Resources section of my podcast page to download a worksheet to help you name your core values: https://www.irenesalter.com/podcast
And if you liked this episode, check out Episode 3 to identify the five keys to identifying your leadership style.
For complete show notes, transcript, and free downloadable resources go to: https://www.irenesalter.com/podcast
Hi and welcome to the Leaders Playground. I recently gave a keynote on authentic leadership for a room full of female school leaders. It was a fantastic, amazing experience and this week I'm going to share it with you. It's highly participatory. It's an entire episode of strategy mixed with science and story. So if you can find a partner to explore authentic leadership with you, that would be great. Set aside 45 minutes to listen to this podcast with a friend, but you can also use this podcast just solo. That's great too. You'll grab pen and paper and I'll walk you through the steps and, best of all, you could even use this podcast to guide your team or a group of friends through the exercise Totally your choice. So grab a partner or grab some pen and paper and let's get started. Hi, thank you for listening to the Leader's Playground, the podcast for leaders who wish their work could feel more like play.
Speaker 1:Leadership can be lonely, overwhelming and just plain crazy making. We are here to rekindle your spark. I'm Irene Salter, your host and a PhD neuroscientist and science educator with a passion for helping people thrive, not just survive. Please click that follow button so you don't miss a single episode. I was so honored and utterly humbled to have been asked to deliver the keynote for the Women in Leadership Forum for AXA, the Association for California Superintendents and Administrators. The women that I met there were such utter rock stars, everyday superheroes who keep our schools running and kids thriving no matter what. Like I met Mary Cox, who saw her school burned down from the campfire that destroyed the town of Paradise, and there was Cora Mila, who provides social and emotional support for 18,000 kids. Every single one of them qualifies for free and reduced lunch Holy cow. And then, when you look around at the female leaders that are in the media, there's even more incredible leadership Vulnerable leaders like Brene Brown. Hopeful leaders like Jane Goodall. Brave ones like Malala Yousafzai. Charismatic leaders like Taylor Swift. Leaders like Tarana Burke, who say me too. Sheryl Sandberg, who leans in Temple Grandin, who's totally one of a kind, and Joy Harjo, who inspires with her words as a poet.
Speaker 1:When you look around you, whether in your world or whether in your everyday lives, you see a huge variety of leadership styles out there. But then, if I asked you to take a mirror and put it in front of you and asked, what kind of leader do you see now? If you're anything like me, a mirror makes you want to crawl back under the covers and hide. Look, you're in great company. 70% of working professionals feel imposter syndrome at some point in their careers Me too. And that's the problem.
Speaker 1:Our brain's innate response to figuring out who am I as a leader looks outside of ourselves for reference and we compare ourselves to others. Should I be more like Sheryl Sandberg or Brene Brown or Jane Goodall, or my predecessor or my dad? Or what it's like walking into someone else's closet and trying to find an outfit that fits? Or playing dress up your dad's closet? Or, worst of all, walking into Taylor Swift's closet and trying to find something, anything to wear. Too often we look outside of ourselves and try to mold our leadership to fit other people's example or other people's expectations, which makes leadership feel like playing dress up, like armoring up in Spanx, or pretending to be something you're not. Well, in this podcast episode, I'm going to teach you a new way to answer that question who am I as a leader? But instead of looking outward, we're going to look inward, and it starts with a story you see, back in middle school I lived in Dallas, texas, and there I was one of five people of color in a whole middle school, wandering through a sea of blonde cheerleaders trying desperately to fit in. I had braces, a perm, a horrible burgundy Victoria secret dress with puffy sleeves. I didn't fit that dress and I certainly didn't fit in puffy sleeves. I didn't fit that dress and I certainly didn't fit in.
Speaker 1:But then one miraculous summer I went to geek camp. It was on a university campus where I could indulge in all the things I actually loved. It felt like chalk scratching equations and late night conversations on big philosophical things. It was the very first data points I got from the very first experiment I ever designed myself. We played cards through an eight-hour game one day and it was the taste of sharing a black cherry soda with brand-new friends who actually made me feel like I belonged. I felt normal. I found my people and for the first time in my life I could be authentic. That word authentic comes from the Greek word authentikos, which is made of two parts Autos, meaning self, and hentis, meaning being Self, being, being yourself. I could finally be myself, and authenticity appears when we can freely engage in our passions without external pressure, expectations or comparisons. Geek camp was the first time I felt authentic.
Speaker 1:After that summer my family told us we'd be moving from Dallas to Hawaii. As I packed up my room, I tucked a note inside my jewelry box you know that kind of old school jewelry box that some of us had as a little girl cardboard covered in pink paper with a unicorn that twirled. Well, the message I wrote to myself was remember who you were at geek camp. That's who you really are. When you get to Hawaii, you can be that person all the time. The purpose of this episode is to help you explore what it might feel like to shape your leadership style around your true, authentic identity, who you really are, the real you All the time.
Speaker 1:Authentic leadership isn't the only form of leadership. There's dozens and dozens of off-the-shelf styles Charismatic, inspirational, transformational, authoritative, democratic, situational, servant leadership. It's like shopping at the Gap for a pair of jeans. But authentic leadership is the only leadership style you cannot buy ready-made off the rack. By definition, it is completely custom-tailored and it's developed through storytelling. You see business school researchers like Bill George. That guy literally wrote the book on authentic leadership. He pulled apart 3,000 pages of interviews with the most authentic leaders he could find, trying to understand how they became that way. His results said it was all about storytelling. Authentic leaders engage in self-discovery. They actively make sense and meaning from their life experiences by telling stories about it. They also engage in self-creation by seeing that the self is not fixed and it's always capable of growing. So if you want to discover your own authentic leadership style, you don't get to sit back and fold laundry or garden or drive or exercise while listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1:This episode features you as part of the storytelling. You can't be a passenger. You're going to get to sit right up here in the driver's seat with me. You're going to need a partner, or you can do the solo with pen and paper, and we're going to write this podcast together as a team. Your stories are part of this larger story and deserve a place to shine. So here's what you're going to do Over the course of the episode.
Speaker 1:You're going to be pausing the podcast several times to tell your partner a story about a time in your life when you felt the most authentic and most free to be yourself, or you can write that story down. Make sure you give yourself at least two or three minutes, and more if you like. So first question tell a story about a time in your life when you could be completely authentic and when you could be the real you, when you're the storyteller or writer, don't think too hard. First thought is the best thought. When you're the listener, take notes, write down key words and phrases that your partner says Like if you were taking notes on me, you'd write down things like geek camp, big philosophical things. First experiment cherry soda found my people jewelry box. Okay, pause this podcast and tell that story about authenticity to your partner, or write it down. Great Welcome back. Okay, back to the show.
Speaker 1:Your next step toward authentic leadership is a story about standing at a crossroad. For me, that was choosing not to follow in my dad's footsteps. My dad emigrated to the United States as a teenager after being smuggled out of China in the bottom of a boat, as other boats were literally being blown up out of the water around him. In high school he became a chess champion and a math whiz and worked his way from a PhD to university professor. Education meant everything to my dad. He passed those values down to me and of course he passed those values down to me and of course I would follow in his footsteps. How could I not? So after my PhD, I lined up this fancy postdoctoral fellowship in Cambridge, England, with this hotshot researcher. Dad could not have been more proud.
Speaker 1:Not long after that, I went backpacking with my boyfriend, jason, who's now my husband, and we were discussing the future when Jason asked what do you want? Um, postdoc, professor, tenure, climb the ladder, be successful, right? No, jason said you seem to like teaching more. You're good at it. Why research? What do you want? It was such a simple question, yet so profound. I mean, what do you, irene, want? Not my dad, not my mom, not hotshot Cambridge professor Me. And I realized Jason was right Teaching felt like what I was meant to do Purposeful, energizing, authentic Research Didn't? Sure there were moments of delight. Sure, I was good at it, and sure that was the clear, easy path laid out by everyone around me, but it wasn't me. So, with Jason's help, I chose a new vision for my future. I turned down that postdoc in Cambridge and took a job as a middle school science and math teacher. I loved it. Turned down that postdoc in Cambridge and took a job as a middle school science and math teacher. I loved it.
Speaker 1:It is time to share a second story with your partner, or write it down. When in your life did you pause to ask yourself what do you want? When did you choose a more authentic vision for your future? And remember, if you're the listener, write down keywords or phrases that your partner says All right, pause the podcast and come back when you're done. Great job. All right back to the show.
Speaker 1:Story number three that you're going to tell is about resilience, about those hard-won lessons that only life's biggest, most traumatic events can teach you. How was March 2020 for you? Covid Fun times, wouldn't you say. For me, covid was like a magnitude 9 earthquake, upturning every major edifice in my life Stay-at-home orders, school and business closures, people sick, dying, grieving. And in the middle of it all, there I was, school superintendent and principal, trying desperately just to educate kids and protect the school community. I loved that. Covid earthquake shook and challenged and actually shattered the world around me and everything I thought I knew about my place in it. My identity and worldview collapsed and COVID forced me to rebuild. I joined a mind-body medicine training program. I started to meditate. I learned stress, resilience, flexibility and how to let go of control. I started to meditate. I learned stress, resilience, flexibility and how to let go of control. Trauma can be one of life's greatest teachers.
Speaker 1:While there's a lot of talk about post-traumatic depression and post-traumatic stress. The real story should be about post-traumatic growth. Many people experience a traumatic earthquake and rebuild their shattered life narratives and get rewarded with improved relationships, a new vision or purpose, greater appreciation for life, enhanced inner strength and resilience, and spiritual development. In fact, positive psychology has found that post-traumatic growth is the most common human response to trauma. Seriously, it's 50% of people who experience post-traumatic growth, compared to 22% who experience post-traumatic stress, anxiety or depression. The people who experience growth actively process the traumatic event rather than suppress it. They often join support groups and share their experiences with others. They try to make meaning from the situation, often through spirituality. They routinely adopt new strategies for coping and stress resilience, and they take positive action to change things for themselves and others.
Speaker 1:It's time to tell another story to your partner or write some more in your journal. When in your life might you have rebuilt after hardship? When did you find inner strength and resilience, or perhaps even experience post-traumatic growth? Go ahead and pause the podcast. How'd that feel? Isn't it powerful to acknowledge how you've grown from life's biggest challenges? Okay, back to the show. Step four toward authentic leadership is a story about speaking up.
Speaker 1:My husband and I moved to Shasta County to raise two little kids. Jason's family was nearby. We're surrounded by breathtaking nature. The cost of living was half what it was in the Bay Area. The beautiful community that we moved to could survive one of the most destructive fires in US history, but it couldn't survive politics. My family was targeted by anti-Asian hate. Neighbors stopped talking to one another because of the lawn signs they had in front of their house. Self-appointed members of a local militia appeared at a board meeting to threaten blood in the streets. All that divisiveness and vitriol in my community made my insides crawl, and that's because I had a core value community building that stood in direct conflict with what I was seeing all around me.
Speaker 1:Core values are those beliefs and ways of being that are most important to you. They define who you are, what you care about and how you choose to live. Brene Brown says Our values should be so crystallized in our minds, so infallible, so precise and clear and unassailable, that they don't feel like a choice. They're simply a definition of who we are in our lives. In those hard moments we know that we're going to pick what's right right now over what's easy, because that's integrity and that's the job of your frontal cortex. It's doing the right thing, even if it's the hard thing. And so, for the first time, I joined political marches and hosted bipartisan civic action groups, and when my career transitioned to leadership coaching, I offered pro-to-bono support to harass public servants like election officials. I spoke up because my frontal cortex wouldn't let me do otherwise. I had to speak up for my values or else I'd lose myself. So now it's your turn. Tell another story about a time in your life when you spoke up or stood up. Where were your core values challenged in a way that you had to do something about them or a risk losing yourself. Please share that story with your partner or write it down. Okay, pause the podcast. Well done, you did it. Okay, back to the show.
Speaker 1:The final step toward authentic leadership involves understanding your uniqueness. I've talked about this in previous podcast episodes. I've talked about this in previous podcast episodes, but every brain has 86 billion brain cells and every brain cell has 10,000 connections to other brain cells and altogether that's 860 trillion unique connections from one brain cell to another right inside your skull. That's more neural connections than there are words in the entire Library of Congress. There is no brain in the world that's ever been just like yours and there will never be another brain like it either.
Speaker 1:When you were born, as a child, there were some things your brain was naturally good at, some things, or maybe several things that when you did it it felt like the words you wrote, the machines you built or the way you moved come so naturally and easily. It's as if that's what we were meant to be doing. We flow with the natural design of our brain circuitry in what psychologists like Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls a flow state. For myself, there's two things that feel like that. First, there's science. Second, I love growing people and teams into the best, most glowing versions of themselves, and when those two strands come together science plus growing people it's energizing, effortless and engaging, and it feels like clay. I'm flowing with the current of my brain's unique circuitry instead of against it.
Speaker 1:What's yours? Simon Sinek calls it your why. Sociologist Robert Green calls it mastery. Psychologist Keiko Kamiya calls it ikigai. Many spiritual leaders refer to it as your calling. Sometimes it's your purpose or meaning or your gift. Whatever you call it, your brain is unique in the world. How so? Tell your partner a story or write down something that you think your brain was uniquely built to do. And if that's hard to imagine, just think about the activities that feel energizing and effortless and engaging, that feel like play.
Speaker 1:All right, pause the podcast and write or speak Great job. All right back to the show. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to pull all five stories together. Remember how authentic leadership is developed through self-discovery, self-creation and storytelling. The stories we tell about our authenticity, our choices, about speaking up, resilience and our uniqueness. They reveal who we are.
Speaker 1:At the Women's Leadership Retreat that Tootie and I lead every year, we end with an exercise where every woman stands up to complete the sentence. I am someone who, for instance, I am someone whose purpose is to use science to help leaders thrive. I'm someone who survived sexual assault, racism and trauma. I'm someone who turned imposter syndrome into imposter moments. I'm also a leader who forces my audience to write and deliver a keynote talk with me.
Speaker 1:By pausing to make sense of your life experiences and speak your authentic truth into the world, you can claim your leadership identity. You can claim your leadership identity. So here's what I'm going to ask you to do. First, you're going to stand up. Yes, stand up. Second, if you have a partner. You're going to face your partner and if you're doing this exercise solo, I'd like you to face a window. One of the women at the conference said this gorgeous statement. I learned how to stop always looking into a mirror and instead look through a window. Third, you're going to set a two-minute timer and you're going to fill two whole minutes by speaking your authentic self into the world, and you're just going to complete the sentence. I am someone who, over and over, if you run out of things to say, just wait quietly until something new emerges, and if nothing emerges, silence is beautiful too. This will be hard, but I wouldn't ask you to do it if I didn't know that you were brave and strong enough to handle it. You got this Okay. Pause the podcast, start your two-minute timer and go. You did it Well done, okay. Back to the show.
Speaker 1:Sometimes the best way to see ourselves is through someone else's eyes. Sometimes others can see through our own self-doubt and inner critics to the true core of our identity. So if you've been working with a partner, you're going to subtly change the script to I see someone who. You're going to stand up and grab your notes so that you've got lots of words and phrases to reflect back to your partner. You'll face them and describe the amazing human standing in front of you. What is the gift they bring to the world? What kind of a leader, what kind of a person do you see? And if you've been working alone, you have a journal full of lots of stories in front of you. First, circle some keywords or phrases that are most meaningful to you. Then write yourself a letter, a lot like I wrote myself a letter to put into my jewelry box.
Speaker 1:It may help to imagine you're writing a letter to a future self that's going through a really hard time. What kinds of reaffirming things about you at your best, at your most resilient, your most authentic, would be helpful for you to remember when times are hard. All right, I see someone who. You got it All right. Pause the podcast and go. Woohoo, you did it. If you were listening to a partner's reflection, did it? If you were listening to a partner's reflection, do you feel that? Take a moment, let their words soak in. Where do you feel their words in your body? Go ahead and put a hand on that part of your body and, if you were writing a letter to yourself, put your letter in an envelope and address it to me when times are hard. Put it in a safe place maybe your jewelry box, maybe a desk drawer and pull it out in that future time when you need some encouragement. Okay, now really back to the show.
Speaker 1:Hopefully the strategy in this episode made you feel empowered. Hopefully you feel seen, heard and valued, more confident, ready for whatever challenge comes up next, because you can stand tall in your authentic leadership. Researchers find that authentic leaders are happier and more fulfilled. They build vibrant, ethical organizational cultures. Job performance is better, not just for them, but their teams. They're more emotionally intelligent, and that's because authentic leaders know who they are. They aren't dressing up in someone else's leadership style. They aren't armoring up. Their leadership identity is a perfect fit because it's simply their genuine best self shining through. And that's the power of authenticity.
Speaker 1:If you had a partner, notice what your words did for them. Notice how you empowered and elevated them. Notice how quickly you could do that through storytelling. And how do you feel about your partner now? Do you feel compassion, awe, gratitude, trust. If they were your leader, would you follow them? What if you could do this storytelling exercise with every person on your leadership team, or every colleague or family and friends. So that's my challenge. I want you to consider taking this storytelling exercise home to experiment with it, share this podcast episode with other people, or perhaps even use it as the basis of a team-building exercise or quarterly all-staff meeting. I would love to hear how your experiments go.
Speaker 1:And finally, before I sign off, I want to leave you with my definition of leadership. There is no one way to be a leader, just as there's no one way to be human. The best leaders use the best in themselves to bring out the best in others. I see all you authentic leaders out there. You got this. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you got as much out of this episode as my audience did at AXA. I would love to thank Tyler Lockamy, robin Canfield, who I finally met for the first time in person right before my talk, and Tessa Borquez.
Speaker 1:In the show notes, you're going to find a link to the Women's Leadership Retreat from which this exercise originated, more information about post-traumatic growth and Bill George's book on authentic leadership. Finally, would you please do me two favors. First, do you know a leader or a friend who's surviving, not thriving? Maybe they need to hear what you just heard about authenticity and, if so, please text them a link to this show. Heard about authenticity and if so, please text them a link to this show. Secondly, please click that follow button on Spotify, apple, youtube or wherever you get your podcasts, and that will make sure you can find out about the last episode of this season. I know sad, isn't it, but I've got a special treat I'm going to read you the final chapter of my book. Yes, I'm giving away the ending, so join me next time here at the Leaders Playground.
